This is Tim Burton’s twist on Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice in Wonderland novels. Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, of course, star along with other amazing people including Stephen Fry, Anne Hathaway, and Crispin Glover. Relative newcomer Mia Wasikowska takes the title role. I really want to see this, I do. But I fear two things if I were to see it in theaters: 1. I would punch a child in the face because even though this isn’t a true kids’ movie, parents will still bring their small children to it and they will be obnoxious throughout the entire film; and 2. it will freak me the fuck out. I feel safer saving it for a rental, but there might come a fancy-free weekend when I venture to a theater to see it. Who knows!
Brooklyn’s Finest – Rent
A little bit of The Departed meets Crash. The film chronicles the lives of three New York City police officers taking part in the same drug operation. I don’t think the world can handle this all-star cast full of bad asses: Don Cheadle, Richard Gere, Ethan Hawke, Vincent D’Onofrio, and Wesley MOTHERFUCKIN’ Snipes.
Green Zone – See
Matt Damon stars as a warrant officer assisting the CIA with operations to find WMDs in Iraq during the U.S. occupation. Damon is directed by Bourne Supremacy and Ultimatum director Paul Greengrass once again. These two make beautiful movies together. I really want to see this one, if only to pretend it’s a fourth Bourne movie when no one else is looking. Also, Brendan Gleeson is in it. Enough said, am I right?
She’s Out of My League – Rent
I feel like people have been talking about this film forever and the trailer actually lives up to the hype! Jay Baruchel stars as Kirk, a nerdy-looking TSA officer who finds a cell phone that happens to belong to a “super hot babe.” The two start dating, but Kirk can’t help but wonder what this woman is doing with him. Definitely not a movie I would pay to see in the theater, but it looks funny enough for a weekend rental sometime in the future.
Our Family Wedding – No
A comedy about two families from different backgrounds (read: cultural tension) who are forced to mix because of an engagement. I’m sorry, America Ferrera and Regina King, but I will not be watching any movies with Carlos Mencia in them—I don’t care how awesome you look in a wedding dress on the poster!
Remember Me – Rent
I know most people want to see this movie because DREAMY RPATZZ IS IN IT, but I do not. At first, I didn’t have any interest in even hearing what this film was about. But I recently read an article that said something about how it has an insane twist ending that you never see coming yadda yadda, so I figured it’s worth renting somewhere down the road. I still have no idea what it’s about other than the two leads falling in love. And now I kind of don’t want to. There are few surprises left in life, you know? Let this insane twist ending be one of them—even if that means feeling a lot of disappointment if it turns out to be not that big of a deal or entirely predictable.
The Bounty Hunter – See
OMG this movie is going to be so hilarious! How awkward would it be if you had to arrest your ex? Super awkward! Or super fun? Gerard Butler plays a bounty hunter who gets to hunt down his reporter ex (played by Jennifer Aniston) when she skips bail to investigate a murder cover-up. I’ve been waiting for this movie for quite some time, I won’t lie. They are going to be magical together on screen. I can feel it.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid – No
This is the film adaptation of a book for kids by the same name. Ummmm, no. I love Steve Zahn, but no.
Last Night – Rent
***No trailer on YouTube as of press time.***
Two glorious actors—Keira Knightley and Sam Worthington—play a married couple who deal with temptation when they are kept apart for a night. I hope this doesn’t turn into a combination of Obsessed and Closer. If it gets good reviews, which (judging from the caliber of these two) I’m sure it will, then I will rent it!
Hubble 3D – No
Leonardo DiCaprio narrates a documentary about the Hubble space telescope repair missions that took place starting in 1993. As interesting as space is, I prefer it when it is fraught with war between space cowboys and the Alliance.
Repo Men – See
The premise for this movie is so amazing, I can barely handle it. Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker star as repo men who hunt down people who default on their payments for replacement organs. Law plays a repo man who receives a heart transplant and then suddenly finds himself unable to meet his financial responsibilities, so the company he works for sends Whitaker’s character to hunt him. It’s going to be GOOD. Ugh!!! Jude Law is such a bad ass sometimes, you know? Daniel Craig can suck it!
The Runaways – Rent
A biopic of Joan Jett and Cherie Currie, who formed the band The Runaways in 1975. I have been excited about this project since details first starting leaking to the press—everything from Joan Jett taking Kristen Stewart (who plays her in the movie) under her wing to the insane amount of growing up Dakota Fanning has done since The Secret Life of Bees. And the song that recently leaked from the soundtrack, which features Dakota Fanning doing lead vocals, only has me more excited! But it’s going to be a limited release, so it will be a rental for me!
Hot Tub Time Machine – Rent
A bunch of guys hanging out and partying together one night in their hot tub wake up at a ski lodge in 1986 as their younger selves. They deduce that they must have fallen victim to—DUN DUN DUUUUNNN—a HOT TUB TIME MACHINE!!! John Cusack, Rob Corddry, and Craig Robinson star in what is sure to be an absolutely hilarious and totally inappropriate laugh fest. That’s really all there is to it. The trailer is good for quite a few laughs, as well.
How to Train Your Dragon – Rent
Normally, I do not have time to see all of the cute amazing animated family films that come out each month, but I will make time for a movie that features the voices of both Gerard Butler and Craig Ferguson.
The Last Song – No
Absolutely not. Miley Cyrus + Nicholas Sparks film adaptation = DO NOT WANT.
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