Wind AJ Down: These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things

Here are a couple of UNenjoyable things that I’ve been saving up since January. It’s about time I shared them with you.

Men of a Certain Age

The newest TNT hour-long original premiered back in December and aired its first season finale last Monday. Executive produced by and starring Ray Romano, the show tells the story of three male friends dealing with the quandaries associated with middle age. Andre Braugher and Scott Bakula also star. Men of a Certain Age received consistently positive feedback from critics and TNT has already renewed the series for a second season. And yet I hated it. Well, maybe not hate. Hate is not the right word. I seriously did not enjoy watching this show. And I watched six full episodes, which is more than half the season, so I gave it a legitimate chance. I just couldn’t get into it, I guess. I was starting to think it might be too geared toward men and therefore completely lost on me and my abundance of estrogen, but I don’t think that’s it. I enjoy plenty of “male” shows. I think the problem with this series is that these guys are so depressing. Nothing good happens in their lives. They’re unhappy with their jobs and career choices, they’ve got daddy issues, their family situations are constantly on the rocks, and nothing good ever happens to them. This is why I hated Seinfeld (yes, this is real). I don’t want to watch a show so I can get lost in a world full of problems and negative people who complain about those problems. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn’t have a need for cable. Anyway, the point is that I wasn’t feelin’ Men of a Certain Age and I have no problem letting the show go. It will be an amicable break—I love Andre Braugher and I really do recognize that it is a niche show and the writing, acting and so on—it’s all really great. It’s just not for me. And since I’m probably not in the target audience range, I don’t think TNT will mind.

Super Fucking Long Movies

I decided awhile back that I did want to see James Cameron’s Avatar in theaters if only to see the super awesome special effects in 3-D. And one fine Sunday after the New Year, Pedro and I were looking at showtimes and gearing up for a movie theater/Target/Red Robin watching-shopping-eating adventure. It was then that I realized that the fucking movie is 2 hours and 40 minutes long!!! I realize that the run time is exactly the same as Zack Snyder’s Watchmen (162 minutes is listed as the run time for both films), which I saw in theaters on opening day after arriving an hour early just in case there was a line blah blah blah whatever. But I really, REALLY wanted to see that movie. I had a huge investment in it, I’d been waiting for almost a year to see it—it wasn’t just a movie that sounded good that I decided to go and see. It was an event. Avatar is not an event for me. I thought it would be. I was following all the press, getting swept up in the hype, but I stood there looking at the run time and I just knew deep down inside that I couldn’t do it. I’ve had people tell me how amazing the movie is and that I need to see it immediately. But I cannot bring myself to go sit in a theater for that long for something that is not an essential part of my existence. Sitting in a theater for that long requires preparation and commitment. You basically have to dehydrate yourself* and bring sustenance but not sustenance that is so salty that it will require beverages and thus negate your dehydration efforts. It’s an ordeal! I’d much rather enjoy a movie in all its glory from the comfort of my couch where I have all the snacks, drinks, and pillows I need AND a pause button. Why would I pay for a movie and then have to walk out and miss 5-7 minutes of it dealing with bathroom lines and disturb the experience of my fellow movie-watchers as I crawl over their legs to exit the theater? No, just no. I cannot handle super fucking long movies unless it is a Watchmen-level serious movie-going adventure. Not gonna do it.

*Note: I am not encouraging anyone to dehydrate themselves. Just FYI.

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan

After waiting two months to get the disc from Netflix, I was finally able to watch Battlestar Galactica: The Plan last month. And I gotta tell you that my first reaction was overwhelming disappointment. Please curtail your gasps and cries of outrage for one minute while I explain. I did not read much about The Plan before watching it for a couple reasons. First, during its promotion, I was still finishing the last season of the series. Second, I never read about movies in advance for fear of spoilers or tiny details that will eventually lead to me being spoiled right before big important things happen. But had I done some light reading about The Plan, I would’ve seen a description that read something along the lines of, “explores the events of Battlestar Galactica from the Cylon perspective” and “sheds light on the Cylon plan for the human race.” And I would have been intrigued to no end, anxious to get answers, and when I watched the movie I still would have been overwhelmingly disappointed. The film basically goes through the entire series, picking certain events from the show’s four seasons to explain from the Cylon perspective. The result is one huge episodic, entirely disjointed deja vu. Most of the movie is comprised of recycled footage from the show with a few new explanatory, Cylon-dominated scenes thrown in. And not just Cylon-dominated, but Cavil dominated. As the Wired.com review for The Plan said, “So heavily does the movie focus on the Cylons’ most devious and brutal model, it would more aptly be titled A Tale of Two Cavils.” After all the excitement and all the questions I had that I thought would be answered, I was left wondering what I had just watched and why. Don’t get me wrong—I see the value of the film in the realm of the show (I actually thought for awhile it would’ve worked better if it came sooner in the series had it not been for a fourth season monologue laid over some footage at the end). Lots of insights about what certain Cylons went through while being embedded with the humans and so on. I just don’t think releasing it and promoting is as a brand new BSG film was the best plan (I just re-read what I wrote there and, seriously, no pun intended). It should have been chunked out and released as a web series (Wired.com suggests thinking of it as a DVD bonus feature, like a bunch of deleted scenes you forgot to watch before). SyFy could’ve used such a web series to promote their BSG prequel spin-off series Caprica. Basically, it would’ve meant more in bits—little shiny new gifts being delivered each week—than as a DVD that you had to pay to rent or buy on DVD (and if you already owned the complete series on DVD, well, don’t even get me started). It’s definitely fun to get a few more pieces of the puzzle, but by no means can this film completely satisfy a BSG fan’s curiosity about the show. Luckily, The Plan is apparently going to be only the first of many BSG continuation or “reimagining” movies. At the 2009 Comic Con, The Plan director and BSG star Edward James Olmos said that he’s already written a script for post-BSG Admiral Adama. Now if they could get the time and the funds to shoot such a thing, I think we will be in for a real treat in the future.