In this issue: why would people want to sleep with Fall Out Boy?; Bush’s farewell pushes back the return of Bones; one of the only movies I was hellbent on seeing this month is going straight-to-DVD instead; TNT loves Raymond, too; Samuel L. Jackson thinks he is Kobe Bryant; and some Britney news that might make you pee your pants.
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This is Technically From Last Week, But I Don’t Care
Last Friday night (read: after last week’s issue of WTF was already published!), I came across a little article about how the SOTA Toys company is busy producing a set of talking plush toys modeled after the “animated interpretations” of the members of the super emo band that I make fun of all the time, Fall Out Boy. Let’s go over those adjectives again. Talking: the band members are going to record phrases for each of their dolls to say when you squeeze them. Plush: they are going to be huggable and meant for sleeping with (???). Animated: they are going to be extra creepy. Not only do I not see the point at all, but I am kind of appalled because I feel this can only be compared to how pop sensations like The Monkeys were treated back in the 1960s—lunchboxes, Tiger Beat covers, cartoon shows, etc. Or at the very least the situation is comparable to that of the Jonas Brothers, who at least make music and have an image geared at a target audience that fits the demographic of children who like and make their parents purchase plush dolls. I had no idea Fall Out Boy was going for the tween and pre-tween crowd. I don’t know whether to call Detectives Benson and Stabler or laugh really hard. Maybe both, and maybe not in that order.***
Bush Pushes Back Bones Another Week
Don’t get me wrong. I love America, I respect the presidency, I love when government officials take time out of their busy schedules to address the citizens of this great nation. But I also love Special Agent Seeley Booth, Dr. Temperance “Bones” Brennan, solving crimes, and scenes filled with humor based on exploiting Brennan’s social ineptitude and the sexual tension that exists between Booth and Bones. Last night should have marked the return of Bones season 4 from the winter hiatus and the premiere of the show on its new day (read: Bones has moved from Wednesdays at 8 to Thursdays—still at 8, thank goodness), but it didn’t. Because George Bush decided that last night he would buy up a quarter hour of primetime on each of the four major networks. Not just one or two, but all of them. Again. So, after making it through the campaign season finally, we still have to compete with the government to keep our viewing schedule on time. I am a little frustrated, but mostly disappointed. Why not tape that shit and put it on YouTube, George? Everyone loves YouTube! Now if you excuse me, I have to go back to readjust my countdown and continue to wait for new episodes of Bones to return to Fox.
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SMG (But Maybe Now SMP)’s New Movie Goes Straight-to-DVD
You might remember from earlier this month seeing a little here on SWTS for a movie starring Sarah Michelle Gellar (but really Prinze? Is she keeping her public persona as SMG?) called Possession. You also might remember how excited I was to see that movie and how I could not wait for it to be the end of the month so I could be sitting with some popcorn and Snowcaps in a dark theater not being able to breathe because of the suspense that movie would bring to me. Apparently, there will be no dark theater, only a dark living room because Fox just announced the movie is going to be coming out on DVD in February or March rather than released in theaters in just two weeks. They cited “financial difficulty” as the reason, and, while I understand that these are tough times, I still must ask DID YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE VERY LAST SECOND TO DO THIS TO ME?! Now all I have is Underworld: Rise of the Lycans to look forward to. Fuck.
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TNT Gives Ray Romano a Primetime Series
So, TNT and USA and FX were at the forefront of the whole cable networks getting into original primetime series thing. And these three networks have been phenomenal in that department since day one. Outstanding and record-breaking shows such as The Shield, Monk, and The Closer have all spawned from cable networks. TNT has steadily followed the same path as FX and USA, which so far meant not following the path of the big 4 networks (ABC, NBC, Fox, and CBS). Their model has been to cultivate a small group of shows and make them really good—quality over quantity, if you will. However, TNT seems to be picking up more and more original series these days. Just this week, they greenlit three new projects: one for Jada Pinkett Smith, one for Dylan McDermott, and one for Ray Romano. I gotta be real. I love the TNT shows—sans Saving Grace, of course—but I don’t know how they are going to stack up against the big 4 if TNT is planning to start airing on the regular season schedule rather than just in the summer and during the winter hiatus. It makes me worry about TNT cutting out my beloved Raising the Bar if it gets low ratings because TNT made it go up against Lost or 24 or worse yet—Desperate Housewives. Please, TNT, don’t turn into the factory that NBC turned into that has lead to them sucking hardcore these days. I could never live without you. Or Brenda Lee Johnson. Or Jerry Kellerman.
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Samuel L. Jackson May or MAY NOT Play Nick Fury
Iron Man audience members who either had the smarts or inside information that led them to stay until the very end of the credits left the theater in smiles and perhaps screaming in joy over the fact that the surprise scene at the end of the film showed Samuel L. Jackson playing the role of Nick Fury, leader of S.H.I.E.L.D. for Marvel comics heroes. Everything was all set for the next three years: Samuel L. would play Fury in a bunch of Marvel films and nerds such as myself would feel a huge sense of connectivity between all of the films and Marvel Studios would make bagillions of dollars. The future was bright. Until Samuel L. Jackson decided to tell the LA Times that negotiations were not going so well and that he may or MAY NOT play Nick Fury in upcoming projects. That means because of the ECONOMIC CRISIS, Marvel Studios isn’t willing to sign a bagillion dollar deal for Samuel L. and is therefore putting the entire awesomeness of the project into question. This already happened with Terrence Howard months ago, and he has now been replaced by Don Cheadle. WHO THE HELL ARE THEY GOING TO REPLACE SAMUEL L. JACKSON WITH, HMM? I understand that the studio executives make a killing and the people actually doing the work should get more of a cut blah blah blah. But instead of whining about your paychecks not matching what you got when you did a movie with George Lucas, why not evaluate the times we are living in (hello, recession!!) and also think about the fact that public school teachers will never be able to afford the jacket you wore to the negotiations table that morning. I thought being rich meant you could do the things you really wanted without worrying about money. If you aren’t going to make as much as you would like for this project, does that really matter considering the fact that you will have legions of fans supporting you for the rest of your career? It shouldn’t, but apparently right now—to Samuel L. and Terrence anyway—it does.
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Pee-Pants-Worthy News About Britney
British entertainment news outlet Heat magazine is reporting that Sarah Jessica Parker has her eyes set on casting Britney Spears as her costar in the upcoming and now really for reals happening Sex & the City movie sequel. They said SJP has the idea to have someone “like” Britney Spears play a younger cousin of Carrie Bradshaw and have the movie be about showing her “the ropes” and how to navigate New York City, and obviously the singles scene. I have no idea how legit or how not legit or how 2 legit 2 quit this news it, but even the thought of Britney teaming up with SJP for a Sex & the City movie project makes me want to faint. This would be the greatest possible match up ever in the history of Hollywood. I would definitely, 100% go through all of the same madness I went through last May if Britney Spears is going to be in the sequel. I hope there is some truth to this even if it is completely unconfirmed because HELLO amazing. Simply fucking amazing.
And THAT was the Week in WTF!
*Image: Buzznet*
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