WTF: Things That Are WACK This Week

In this issue: more possible remakes of movies that are less than two decades old, this time with Beyonce; there's gonna be a MacGruber movie, no joke; if you don't buy Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Series, you might be able to pay your car payment next month; and Kelly Osbourne is a kettle calling pots "butter face."

***

Beyonce Wants to Be Deloris van Cartier



Pop Crunch reports that Beyonce supposedly wants to star as Deloris Van Cartier in a remake of the 1992 hit Whoopi Goldberg film, Sister Act. Deloris, the lead character, was a lounge singer hiding out as a nun and going by the name of Sister Mary Clarence after witnessing her mobster boyfriend kill a man. The show has just been adapted for the stage as a musical now playing in London. I don't know whether this is true or not about Beyonce's secret dream to play Deloris, but let's pretend for a minute that it is. First, can we PLEASE stop remaking movies that have come out less than fifty years ago??? Seriously! If the story is so awesome, why not just encourage people to go rent the original flick? Second, Beyonce as Deloris...no. Just no! I liken this situation to that of Madonna covering Don McLean's "American Pie." Now the majority of people under the age of 18 think that "American Pie" is a weird and possibly lame Madonna song. The last thing I want for the children, who are our future mind you, is for them to think that Beyonce is Sister Mary Clarence. It just wouldn't be right. Whoopi delivered a flawless performance and created a movie that has been a part of my life, not just my childhood, for 17 years! Even if Beyonce could pull off the performance, which JUDGING FROM HER L'OREAL COMMERCIALS she cannot, all she would end up doing is erasing one of Whoopi Goldberg's greatest achievements from pop culture history. Just say no to remakes!

***

MacGruber: The Movie...For Real

In the midst of a recession, Hollywood still shows no self-restraint. One of the non-Andy Samberg members of the Lonely Island, Jorma Taccone, has just signed on to direct a film about Will Forte's Saturday Night Live character, MacGruber. The character is based on Richard Dean Anderson's title role on the hit television series MacGyver. While college frat boys across the nation might be high-fiving each other right now and saying, "MacGruber is AWESOME!" I have some doubts. Considering the facts that 1. Will Forte is NOT Bill Hader (sometimes people get confused), 2. Will Forte made the film The Brothers Solomon and 3. nothing good has come out of an SNL skit being turned into a movie for over a decade, I just do not see this going well. Ryan Philippe and Val Kilmer are supposedly in talks to co-star, so I leave room for me to stand corrected later if this turns out to not be a total fail.

***

Amazon Lets Me Down with BSG Prices

It's been a whirlwind of TV-on-DVD postings this week for Amazon. Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Series will be released on July 28, and Amazon has it available for pre-order. You can make this award-winning, brilliant sci-fi series a part of your home collection for the small price of $178.99. *Queue record-scratching sound effects.* Say WHAT?! Do the price-determining figureheads over at Amazon and Universal Studios not realize that BSG was only FOUR seasons long this making a box set price like that a complete and total rip-off? What is the incentive for people who already own the individual sets (and, as angry review comments reveal, those sets were purchased for a much lower price) to purchase the fancy packaging if there are no additional features and they're charging a good deal more than what any other four season series would be sold for? And that kind of a price tag isn't going to bring in newbies either because it would be stupid for someone to pay that much for a show he or she has never seen before. I'll be waiting until I can get my hands on the set for a much lower price (Half.com, anyone?), which might end up the safest route since box sets like these are notorious for manufacturer's defects.

***

Kelly Osbourne is Confused

Kelly Osbourne told the UK's Daily Mirror that Lady GaGa is a, quote, "butter face." For those of you who don't know (and I only know this because of an episode of The Closer), the term "butter face" is used to refer to a woman who has an attractive body but an unattractive face. It appears Kelly Osbourne has forgotten the Golden Rule: only call other celebrities names that they would be able to call you back.


And THAT was the Week in WTF!


*Images: TV Media, Myspace, Star Pulse*

James Franco's Would-Be UCLA Commencement Speech

This Funny or Die video shows James Franco poking fun at himself with respect to the debacle that was his being chosen to be this year's UCLA commencement speaker and then backing out of the event due to film schedule conflicts. It connects back to this little WTF item, so I just had to post it because 1. I love that he did this and 2. I can't believe this is still a point of discussion.

Season 2 of 'Dollhouse' Pushed Back One Week

Announcements, announcements, annouuuuncements!

Fox announced yesterday evening that they have moved the second season premiere of Joss Whedon's brilliant action drama Dollhouse back one week. The first episode of the sophomore season will now premiere Friday September 25 at 9:00pm. Scheduling with the Stars has been updated accordingly.

The network, which announced the change via its Twitter account, gave no explanation for the change. I can only guess that they are trying to extend their premiere schedule or that there was a legitimate marketing or production schedule-related reason for moving the Dollhouse premiere back a week.

I would like to encourage all Joss/Dollhouse fans to remain calm and keep reactions PG. All I can say is that this is no reason for panic or a signal to go on the defensive. Let's give Fox a chance before we start jumping down its throat at every little thing. Fox has given us the gift of a second season. I think we owe them the benefit of the doubt at least. Thank you.

In Whedonverse related news, James Marsters stars as Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, Jr. in a new History Channel movie called Moonshot, which chronicles the Apollo 11 moon landing in honor of the 40th anniversary of the mission. Moonshot premieres Monday July 20 at 9pm. Click here to watch a clip from the film.

Oh, and in completely unrelated news, Carrie Underwood's people have announced her third as-yet-untitled studio album will drop November 3, 2009 with a single to be released later this summer. Yaaaaay three months of one song on the radio. Awesooooome. [Bitter face]


*Images: Fox, Twitter and History*

Seriously, Watch 'The Guild'

Because of the holiday weekend, my Netflix discs of Battlestar Galactica were delayed and USA decided to skip new episodes of Criminal Intent and In Plain Sight, which left me with absolutely nothing interesting to do. So, I took it upon myself to force Pedro to watch seasons 1 and 2 of Felicia Day's The Guild, a witty web series chronicling the lives and misadventures of six online gaming compatriots who sometimes are forced to mingle in the real world (or realm). Despite his initial reservations, Pedro was overcome with the hilarity of The Guild and succumbed to its awesome powers of viralness.

That being said, it is my duty to do for you as I have done for Pedro. If there was ever a time that you were going to get into a web series, it should be right now. The summer is upon us, and the lack of quality programming to fill up a week is almost laughable at this point (I'm at nine shows per week right now, also known as child's play!). So, I will seize this opportunity while you are weak and perhaps even desperate to watch something new and genius and direct you over to these locations where you can watch both seasons of The Guild in their entirety for free (yes, free!):

- The Guild's YouTube channel, or

- Watch the Guild.

After you have fallen in love with The Guild, you can purchase the series on DVD from Amazon and buy yourself a Guild t-shirt from Jinx to help support and fund future seasons of the series.

Felicia Day recently tweeted some information about the production of season three, saying yesterday, "The Guild is back in my house! Last week of shooting commences." This gives me hope that new episodes of The Guild could be up as soon as August (eeeks!), which means you should start catching up now. Anyway, the series gets my stamp of approval, five gold stars, two thumbs up and whatever other badges of praise and support that I may be forgetting. Check it out and let us know what you think!



UPDATE 3:22pm 8 July 2009:

Season 3 of The Guild premieres in August! It's official! This screencap is from The Guild's official YouTube channel to which Felicia Day is currently uploading season 2 to as per her tweets. Anyway, as you can see, season 3 is going to premiere on Watch the Guild in August. Less than a month until new eps! Yes!!!


*Images: Watch the Guild*

Put Down the Internet and Go See 'Public Enemies'

***Shout-outs to Gloria who went to see it on Saturday!***

Nothing stopped me from going to see Public Enemies this weekend, and good thing too because seeing it allowed me to give you an educated explanation as to why you need to stop whatever it is you are doing now and go see this movie.

I think my feelings can best be expressed in a Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Go See Public Enemies list:

5. I Have Not See Cinematography Like This Since the 2003 Kevin Costner Film 'Open Range.'

I fear I may not have any idea what happened for the first fifteen minutes of Public Enemies because from the moment the movie started, I was overwhelmed with how insanely beautiful every shot of the movie was and I quickly realized that a still of any frame from this picture would be a work of art. This movie would be worth seeing in a theater that had no working speaker system. It is that amazing.

4. Christian Bale in the Role of a Lifetime!

Christian Bale has an ever growing list of film roles under his belt and every single one of them (yes, even Jack Kelly from Newsies) can be described as Bale's "role of a lifetime," meaning that he abused the term "method actor" and put his own mental and physical health on the line to pour everything he had into the character and make his performance closer to perfect than any other actor could have gotten. Bale's biggest acting asset is exactly that: he makes it clear why he was cast for a part by making it impossible to imagine anyone else in his role. And, not to offend American Psycho or Machinist fans out there, but with Public Enemies, it's like he never made any of those other films and that he is, for the first time, squeezing out every ounce of himself into this role. He plays Melvin Purvis perfectly. Not near perfectly or almost or pretty much. Just perfect.

3. I Could Just Substitute Johnny Deppy's Name for the Above.

This is going to be almost the exact same description as what I wrote for Christian Bale above except this is about Johnny Depp playing John Dillinger. I have a friend, you all know her as SWTS reader Krystal, who is a huge Johnny Depp fan. I think she saw Sweeney Todd in theaters 500 times, not sure. Anyway, she loves him in a "his talent is overpowering" kind of a way (which is NOT to be confused with the "oh em gee Johnny Depp is soooOOOOoooo sexy!" way). So, when I got out of the theater yesterday and had time to recover from being back in sunlight, I whipped out my cellular device and texted Krystal to say this: "If you didn't love Johnny Depp enough before, go see Public Enemies. If he doesn't get an Oscar nom, the Academy needs to close up shop*." I am dead serious. I know people praise him for basically every single movie role he has ever played, but this will be moving to the top of the critics' lists for him in no time. I have never felt closer to an armed bank robber in my life.

*Note: That was me being nice and calm in case there is a government agency that reads all of our texts.

2. This is How You Make a 'Based on Real Events' Film.

Michael Mann is the genius who brought us The Last of the Mohicans (he also brought us the 2006 film Miami Vice, but I am trying to get past that). His most notable work according to the critics is the 1995 movie Heat, which starred Al Pacino and Robert De Niro and was written and directed by Mann. Michael Mann makes (typically) amazing films. He is choosy and, judging from his credits, far more interested in making quality films over attaching his name to a large quantity of projects. If someone out there is looking for a good example of how to make a biopic or a film based on real events or even a film adaptation of another work, Michael Mann is the guy to look to for answers. Public Enemies is breathtaking. Where some critics saw a film that sizzles but never quite pops (paraphrasing some nearly forgettable negative review I read of the film last week), I see a film that took a clever, beautiful angle on telling the story of a man who was two different people to an entire country without turning his story into a figment of Hollywood's imagination. This is how you make this kind of a movie.

1. Be a Part of What is Sure To Be the Best Picture of the Year.

I literally just read through an entire list of movies that have been released and movies that are scheduled to be released in 2009, and I can tell you without a doubt that Public Enemies is the only straightforward Best Picture Oscar contender that I see. There are numerous indie/limited release films that will probably garner tons of praise and perhaps some grassroots campaign support for a nomination, but does Sunshine Cleaning deserve the Best Picture of the Year award? Not even a little bit. Go see this amazing movie and be a part of something that is sure to be making waves come award season.


So, there you have it. My little list of reasons why I implore you to go see Michael Mann's Public Enemies as soon as possible. If you have any questions or if you are feeling conflicted or need further guidance, please do not hesitate to leave a comment or send me an email. I am always here for you.

GO SEE PUBLIC ENEMIES!!! Okay, I'm done. For real this time.


*Images: IESB, Cinematical*

Britney Performs 'Mannequin' Last Night in Paris

Here is a video from the Britney Spears concert last night in Paris where Britney premiered her new number for "Mannequin." While I am incredibly disappointed that this song, seeing as how it is my favorite track from Circus, was not a part of the set list when I saw her this past March, I am filled with hope that the act of making it a part of the second leg of the tour means that there is a good change it will be a single in the future. There are so many radio-worthy songs on Circus, but the sound and style of "Mannequin" is like nothing else on radio right now. It would bring me great pleasure if it turns out that "Mannequin" is the fifth single from Circus. Fingers crossed!

My Wishlist Wishes Coming True!

So, in January I published a post called "My Wishlist for 2009." In it, I asked for Zack Snyder's Watchmen to be released on time, meaning on March 6 as planned. Watchmen came out on March 6. I also asked for Fox to not cancel Joss Whedon's new show, Dollhouse. Dollhouse returns for its second season on September 18. And now it looks as though my wish for MTV's amazingly brilliant animated series Daria to finally be released on DVD is coming true, as well.

As reported by TV Shows on DVD, Marty Day from website Blast-o-rama received an advance copy of the DVD set for The State and the first thing that popped up was an ad (pictured above) announcing the release of Daria on DVD in 2010.

Honestly, this has been such a long time coming a la My So-Called Life that I wouldn't be able to believe this story, despite my full faith in TV Shows on DVD, if it weren't for the screencap. I feel like this is a victory for 90s kids everywhere...

BECAUSE IT IS!!! LET'S CELEBRATE:



UPDATE 5:34am 6 July 2009:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! AMAZON HAS POSTED A RELEASE DATE FOR ALLY MCBEAL THE COMPLETE SERIES!!! THIS IS FREAKY, BUT IN THE BEST DAMN POSSIBLE WAY EVER!!! I can't breathe. I am too excited to breathe. That's not good is it?! Oh, man, I cannot believe this!!!

I am seriously so elated by this news. I cannot breathe. Okay, well, the complete series is currently listed at $129.99 and is scheduled for release on October 6, 2009! I've just completed preordering my set. It appears that 20th Century Fox is also releasing the seasons as individual sets, which is weird but I won't question it because I just want it all at once. I cannot believe that this news is coming so soon after hearing about Daria. I feel like the PCPTBs have been out there listening and that it's all been worth it. This is so intense.

WTF: Things That Are WACK This Week (Abbreviated Version)

I won't lie. I'm enjoying my three day weekend. Abbreviation time!

In this issue: still bringing it on, I see; idiots claiming other random celebrities have died in the midst of Death Gate 2009 (what?); Michael Jackson fans commit suicide; SciFi is now officially SyFy...FRAK!

***

I Will Fight to Finish This Franchise

The fourth sequel to the popular 2000 teen flick Bring It On, which starred A-listers like Gabrielle Union and Kirsten Dunst, will be released in September. This one is titled Bring It On: Fight to the Finish. I'm going to put this out there and say that I think the geniuses behind this franchise are making what I consider to be a transparent attempt to beat the Land Before Time record for most unsuccessful follow-up movies in a franchise. At least now ABC Family will be able to have even longer Bring It On marathons.

***

Because Celebrity Deaths Amuse These People

In the wake of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Micheal Jackson and Billy Mays' deaths, an onslaught of internet-driven rumors of other celebrities dying hit the blogosphere and had fans and media outlets running amok with the news. Celebrities like Jeff Goldblum, Natalie Portman and Britney Spears were among those who were reported dead. Why do people find it hilarious to cause mass panic and confusion by hacking into Twitter accounts of posting threads about celebrities dying? Isn't it bad enough that people really do die everyday? Needless to say, Jeff, Natalie and Britney are all in good health listening to "Thriller" and watching Charlie's Angels somewhere.

***

MJ Dies and So Go His Fans

Sky News is reporting that Michael Jackson fans around the world who have been overcome with grief at hearing of the King of Pop's passing have killed themselves. Gary Taylor of London, who runs Michael Jackson's online fan club, told Sky News that he is aware of at least 12 suicides. I don't think I need to elaborate as to why this is seriously fucked up, but I will just say this: it's not worth it. Michael wouldn't want it this way!

***

SyFy is Real...Real Stupid!

The switch has officially taken place. While it was announced that SciFi Network would change to the new moniker of SyFy, an attempt, if you remember, to make the world of science fiction belong to more than just pasty fanboys in basements (their words paraphrased sardonically, not mine), this coming Tuesday, my cable info bar already shows it as SyFy. I will now cringe and mock inside my head for a period of 10 minutes every time I scroll through my guide or flip channels.


And THAT was the Week in WTF!

In Case TNT is Listening

TNT is my home. I know I have a house with a roof and all of my stuff in it, but Turner Network Television is my real home. But sometimes homes get messy or cluttered or they have uninvited guests in them.

In talking with friend and SWTS reader, Lindsay, yesterday, I stopped to appreciate the fact that two hours of ER have returned to TNT’s morning schedule. TNT had cut back to only one episode of ER at 10am in order to air two episodes of Las Vegas for the better part of the last year—unacceptable. But thinking about how this tiny change has had such a positive impact on my day-to-day operations, I decided to reflect on my overall satisfaction with how things are at home. So, in case TNT is listening, here are some housekeeping items that need to be taken care of:

Some people might complain about showing “too much Law & Order.” I do not understand the concept of there ever being “too much” Law & Order nor do I think that such a concept exists. But you have been incredibly biased for the last two years or so in terms of the seasons that you air during primetime-in-the-daytime hours, as well as the for real primetime hours. The only time that I ever catch Ben Stone/Paul Robinette/Mike Logan episodes is at 3:30 in the morning. I would like for this to change. Immediately if possible.

Similarly, I need to know the reason why Angel only airs at 6 and 7 in the morning and not at a time when people who aren’t me might be able to watch and enjoy it. Also, what happened to airing NYPD Blue during the day or EVER for that matter? This ties into my next point:

Las Vegas is a fucking stupid show. It is not primetime-in-the-daytime material. It is crap that should rerun on A&E after CSI: Miami, not in between ER and Without a Trace! I’ve put up with this long enough. Las Vegas as got to adios. Please replace all Las Vegas reruns with episodes of NYPD Blue.



People who don’t watch Bones are going to think that show is incredibly annoying because you’ve been using the same promo for about 18 months now. Everyone who has ever watched TNT for longer than two seconds knows that Bones is not going to declare it a murder just so Booth can shake things up. Please make a new promo.

For some unknown reason that I simply cannot fathom, there are people on this earth who love Saving Grace. I get that. The show garners you Emmy nominations and the entire Christian Coalition would probably camp out on your doorstep if you canceled that series in the near future. So, I will not ask this of you. What I will ask is that you stop airing promos that include Holly Hunter talking about the drama of Saving Grace. That line she has about how people get to see Grace do things they wouldn’t normally do in their own lives is trite and actually true of about 99% of television characters out there. She needs to shut up, basically.

I am really proud of how far you have come as a network in terms of original programming. The Closer, Raising the Bar and Leverage are truly phenomenal shows that have changed the face of television and become cornerstones of my summer schedule. I would like to caution you against building up your originals to compete with the Big Four networks. The smaller your group, the more likely it is for you to have hit series that you can nurture and maintain for longer periods of time. The shows’ characters become the faces of your network rather than the shows themselves being recognizable and no one remembers what channels they air on. You and FX and USA need to keep your heads on straight with this. HawthoRNe is great. I have been incredibly impressed so far, and we’re only three weeks in! And Dark Blue looks promising, indeed. But branching out into reality (wedding reality at that!)? Giving Ray Romano the time of day? A line must be drawn somewhere. A line must be drawn.



And—this is tough love here, okay?—but two hours of Charmed a day is enough. The Power of Three at 8 and 9am. It’s enough.


*Images: TNT.tv, Dawg Sports, Movie Goods*